for you:

http://forgettherisk.blogspot.com

wow.

want to go from peachy-keen to holy hell my life sucks?? hmm, just think about a guy. seriously, that'll do it.

Nothing exciting has been going on. Just getting ready for school and working a little. I had today off and will have tomorrow off too. Thank the Lord I'm on salary or else I'd really be hurting for money.

The whole school thing really freaks me out though. I'm scared I won't like it. I'm scared I won't make friends. I'm scared I'll get overwhelmed and fail out. I'm scared that I'm financing a whole first year ($40K) and it will all go to waste. Yeah, a lot of fears here I guess. We'll have to add that to my list; they'll fit nicely alongside falling, earwax, and broccoli.

Ahh, I've just got all of this nervous energy I guess....

raft camp

so Blythie Poo, I don't know if you know, but Rob and I were not on good terms (at least in my book). Well, at raft camp Steve preached on Philemon which, to sum it up, is a from Paul calling Philemon out because he is choosing to not forgive Onesimis for something that, at this point, doesn't even matter. So for four years I have been dealing with this hurt caused to me by someone in a leadership position and let me tell you, definitely not fun. At camp I was finally ready to let it all go. It wasn't worth it to me to carry around this burden and be stagnant in my walk with Christ. Granted, I have grown a lot even with this on the back burner, but at this point in my life I just couldn't go further without reconciling the situation. After our study one night Steve challenged us to write a letter to someone, either asking for their forgiveness or telling them that they have hurt you or just thanking them for being an encouragement in your life. After four years, I knew what needed to be said so I walked down to Rob and Liz's camper and just let it all out. To be perfectly honest, I'm sure I freaked them out because here I came, some chick who doesn't really interact with them and I'm all shaky and nervous. Oh yeah, and after about 46.2 seconds I started crying because that is just how I am. Long story not really short but shorter than the original, I forgave Rob and I asked for his forgiveness. The slate has been wiped clean and I feel amazing. Seriously to have a refreshed heart after four years? I wish I would have realized it earlier, because I wasted a lot of time.

Raft camp was an eye-opening experience and God presence was felt. His voice was loud and clear, and I was truly, truly listening.

Blythe, I don't think that was exactly what you were planning on reading but it's truthfully what is going on in my life. Crazy, right? Seriously, after living for the world for so many years, I just want something better, you know? And that something better, is and always will be my relationship with Christ.

QUESTION:

Why is it that Edward Cullen's face is pale white, but his ears and neck are flesh colored?

Cause I'm picking up a message Lord

And I'm closer than I've been before.

So the past few weeks have just stunk. Reasons 1 - 5 are below.

1. My core group of girlfriends are in a funk and to explain it simply:

A is mad at B, C, D.
B, C are irritated with A.
E is mad at B.
D got in a fight with E.
E in the midst of this all has found a new group of friends that does not include A, B, C, or D.

2. My brother and I got in a huge fight which ended up in a family meeting where more tears were shed and I realized a lot about myself.
A. I crave attention because growing up, I did not receive it. At least not in a postive way.
B. When it comes to my family, I am not an effective communicator.
C. I still need to learn how to hold my tongue and watch the things that I say.
D. There is more, but I am currently processing it and I don't feel like I am at a place where it can be shared.

3. School has still been in session. 'Nuff said.

4. I am been so caught up in worldly things that I have forgotten (or just simply not cared enough) to read my Bible.
A. Seriously, the last time I wrote in my Jesus Journal was 10 days ago.

5. Since I've been so overwhelmed by life, I haven't cleaned my room and I am currently out of clean clothes. Which may not be a big deal to some, but I used to work retail and I have enough clothes to last me through the Apocalypse. Not anymore....

But last night, in between sweeping all of the water out of my garage (it flooded. long story.) and having a conversation with a man who is much wiser than me, I realized that through all of this junk God is talking to me. And all I need to do is listen.


I'm listening.

Blythe!

Get a BLOG! For realsies!

So I'm sitting here avoiding the hair dryer since it is pouring rain outside. Only in Vancouver could we have a beautiful sunny day and then in a instant it turns to mush.

Yesterday, Derek and Lindsey sent out a mass text to all our mutual friends inviting them over to my house for a party since my parents and sibling (and fam) are out of town. So having an impromptu party is not my forte, just FYI. I need to have a plan, food, and a clean house. Since none of those things were happening yesterday it was kind of weird at first. Then Lindsey got there and she's crazy as we all know, and it really livened things up! We ended up talking for a long time, then the boys started playing video games. When Aynsley left, we put on Fired Up, which I have seen, oh, I don't know, 123460837 times this week. It really is hilarious, and Blythe, if you haven't seen it, go buy it right now! Anyways, people didn't leave until 2am and then I had to wake up at 8am to take Suzanne home so I basically feel like death right now. Just so you know.

I'm off to my cousin's 16th birthday, then Jacque's grad party, Christine's 21st, and then to top it off, Tal is having a party that I need to make an appearance at.

Blythe, I would totally trade you lives for tonight... I'd rather be laying on the couch all chocked full of pregnancy hormones than fighting this insane ark-like weather in my tiny little vehicle and driving all over town. Wish me luck.

I am a twat swatter

Yes, I did just reference Dane Cook. Surprised? I think not. Friday night my good friend Lindsey graduated from high school and for her party, she decided she wanted to go out to dinner and then go clubbin'. So a big group of us went to Red Robin (her fave restaurant) and then we went to FX. It's like 11:30pm when we get there and we walk in and NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE is there yet. Of course there are the creeper guys standing on the elevated wall, but other than that no one was dancing and the first 20 minutes were so awkward. Once Lindsey, Jackie, Amanda, Seth and I started dancing in our little circle though, things got better.... at least until some guy started dancing with Jackie. Now we were all pretty relaxed about it because it's just dancing- not a big deal right? Wrong. It made two of our friends really mad and they left and went to the car for 2 hours while we continued to have a good time. While Lindsey, Anna, and I were talking we saw this tall boy with a honking schnoz come on the dance floor and it ended up being a guy from our church! So if you haven't said AWKWARD yet, now is the time to do it. Since he was there I think it made a us a little more self conscious because we don't really know him all that well and I was worried he had other friends from church with him. Thankfully, that was not the case. However him and Anna danced for a while... very weird, by the way. Lindsey ended up spotting a guy she wanted to dance with and I was hanging out on the wall for a little while. I'm not really a good dancer but if I'm with my girlfriends it's fine... since I wasn't though I got to be the awkward wall flower. Once Jackie and Lindsey had their fill of boys we all went back out on the floor and started dancing in a circle again and that was a lot of fun until some guys started getting up on the two of them. Now I didn't want to be by myself in the middle of all of these people grinding so I just held Jackie and Lindsey's hand and wouldn't let them go. So by definition, I am a twat swatter.

A lot of drama ensued after that night. Well, to be honest, a lot happened before it too, but it's not really worth discussing... I've already made a color coded chart tracking all of it just so I can keep it straight. On Sunday, Pastor Paul gave a sermon about friendship and I am pretty sure he was speaking right to us. I tried getting all five of us together but Jackie had to work so I cancelled. I think a discussion about friendship will only be productive if we are all present. So that is kind of where we are at right now...

Jack Bauer = Greatest Man Alive

Friday night my friend Amanda / Goose had a 24 party out at her house in the bookdocks. Just to preface this story, I had never seen an episode of this TV show in my whole entire life and for those of you that follow 24, you know there is a heck of a lot of backstory. Also, we did not start season 6 at episode one. We started on episode 3, so in addition to the past 6 years of Jack Bauer's life, I also missed the first three hours of his day. Pretty intense to say the least. The first episode I was completely lost on, other than the fact that I did not like Janice- she's a beezy, and that Sean guy from the office- the one that was having an affair with the blonde chick, was acting rather douchetastic. Since Goose had also not seen the episodes, I had to call on a friend to fill me in on all of the 24 details that I was obviously missing. Thankfully, he's a semi-nice guy and responded to all of my text messages for the next 18 hours. Not only did I completely fall in love with the show, I learned some very valuable things about myself.
1. I do not like suspense. Honestly, most of the questions I had were answered in the next episode but I don't like to wait so I made my friend tell me all of the details before they were revealed.
2. I don't have any patience and people are insane. I don't know how the viewers could wait every week to find out what Captain Juma was blowing up or if Chloe O'Brian would get out of jail. Well, not really jail, she was just detained. Honestly, I could barely wait until the end of the episode and if we didn't find out then, I'd just text Eric and ask him because I couldn't stand the tension!
3. Jack always saves the world! He's the star! And I should not stress out about him dying or anything of that nature because he is and always will be JACK BAUER!

son of a bee sting

Hi, first off, that is not my original line. It's from Anchorman. Which I saw for the first time Wednesday. It's actually pretty funny, kind of slow, but still funny. I don't really know what to write in here, it's been sooo long! Mostly, I didn't think that anyone read it, but I've had some requests so I guess I'll come up with something.

Um.... so I just racked my brain and I don't have anything of value to say. Not too far off from normal, but I'm in the middle of watching She's The Man, so I'm a little distracted to say the least....

Tonight is the 24-hour 24 marathon so I'm sure something exciting will happen and I will write about it tomorrow.

wow it's been awhile.

First off, JAMIE, this is for you:
So last Saturday.... no, two Saturday's ago, Jamie and I were at the bank in the line for the ATM. There is one car in front of us and so I figured, ah, no big deal. Well, 7 minutes, 4 transactions, and 1 fly away reciept later, the car in front of us proceeds to START THE ENGINE. Wait! What? You knew you were going to be in a drive-THRU ATM long enough that you had to turn off your vehicle? So I yelled out, "This is not A Turn your car off M!" Which made Jamie laugh hysterically. :)

Secondly, school started. I am taking all of 6 credits which amounts to one full time French class and one Kickboxing class. So far so good. I got a B on my French test a while ago and am currently avoiding studying for my test tomorrow by blogging and watching The Dark Knight. Classes are fun, Danger and I have kickboxing together and its fun to be all like, "I'm going to punch Danger in the face today!" French is interesting to say the least. I sit with "The Twins" as we all so eloquently call them. T/M squared and I have gone to church together for the past 5 or so years yet we never really talked. Even when we had the last two quarters of French together we never talked... kind of weird. I always just thought they were douche buckets but I didn't have anyone to sit with this quarter so I had to suck it up and ask to sit with them. After too many awkwardly silent classes things got easier and to my surprise found out they are not douche buckets but are pretty entertaining. Britta sits with us too- she went to GCC back in the day, I didn't really know her but it's been fun reconnecting.

Trevor, Ashley, and Zeke all moved back in, which I think I wrote earlier. I love having them here, I think our relationship has gotten much better since they've been back and it's nice to always have someone else around. Well, usually.

And I also made a decision about next year. I am transferring to University of Portland and living on campus with my friend Jacque. I'm pretty stoked on that one. Being able to move out and live life on my own? I'm so down. And Jacque will be there too! I am still just getting to know her but I am looking forward to growing closer to her and seeing where God works in our lives this upcoming school year!

So I think that's about all. I've got to get some laundry started because I have class in the morning and nothing to wear!! Ahh!!

P.S. Ashley's hymen parts fell out! Bahahahahaha! Long story... ask me sometime if you want to hear it. :)

hey there slick nuts

I went out to the kitchen this morning and Trevor was getting Zeke out of his chair and was like, "Come here slick nuts!" One day, Zeke is going to go to school and tell all his friends that his daddy calls him slick nuts! I'm pretty sure that will be the most hilarious day of my life. And I have had a lot of hilarious days!

No, U - DA - HO.

I went to Idaho on Saturday to visit not only my brother, sister in law, and nephew, but also my best friend who just had a baby. I was going to fly but plane tickets were $300 so it was (at first) cheaper to drive. Little did I know, I ran over a nail one of my days in Nampa and had to buy a whole new set of tires which cost $474.83. Major bummer. So here are some highlights from my trip, in numbers and pictures:

422 miles- between Trevor & Ashley's house and mine.

6 hours 45 minutes- time it is supposed to take to get there.

5 hours 23 minutes- amount it took me!

112- speed I hit before I realized I was speeding!

5- cops I saw.

0- times I got pulled over. (Surprisingly!)

3:29- length of Say Anything's "Walk Through Hell" which was basically the theme song for my trip.

8- number of douchebags who made me pass them on the right on my way there because they wouldn't get the hell out of my way.

2- number of douchebags who made me pass them on the right on my way home because they wouldn't get the hell out of my way.

4- rest stop / gas station bathrooms

1- particularly bad Subway bathroom, where I am pretty sure I contracted Hepatitis

Things I Hate:

Running out of Peach Rings

Speed Limit Schmeed Limit

Snow Storms

Funny Lights on my dash and by default, going the schmeed limit

Semi trucks passing semi trucks

Things I Love:

The open road

Beautiful baby Lilly

My best friend and her new baby. Oh and ZEKERS!

My meathead

if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

Why is it so horrible that I am single? People always ask why I don't have a boyfriend or my favorite one, if the boy I am texting/talking with/breathing next to is my boyfriend. No, he is not. And no, I do not like him in "that way."

I am happy being single. Yes, I think boys are cute and yes, I have crushes on random boys at really bad times, but when it comes down to it, I love my independence too much to have it be intruded upon by a boy.

And furthermore, why do is it so important that, as Beyonce so eloquently put it, that if you like it then you need to put a ring on it? You know, I'm all for a fling- sometimes they just work better. I like a lot of things, but I don't want to commit to them for my entire life. When I was younger, all I wanted to wear was a tutu. Do you think after 3 or 4 weeks I still wanted to wear that tutu? No, just the sight of it disgusted me. Sometimes thats how I feel about certain boys. I don't want a ring from them, shoot I don't even want a turkey sandwich from them.
Boys, it's not all about commitment. Sometimes, all a girl needs is a little fun.
And everyone over the age of 25, I don't need a boyfriend to make me happy or complete. So back off okay?

i swear to baby jesus

that I have a brain tumor. I'm going to Urgency Care tomorrow to either get some antibiotics for my sinus infection or to get a CAT scan done so my brain tumor can be diagnosed.

I'm not joking either.

I was listening to the radio this morning and they told a story about a woman in Florida who called 911 because the McDonalds she went to, was out of chicken nuggets. Yeah, because that is such a horrific crime you need to call 911. People are so crazy now days.

giving up booze and boys

for lent has made me into a skank. mostly because now i am giving my friends skanky advice. an excerpt from my latest text thread:

Friend: (Insert boy's name here) brother is so hot! And nice!
Moi: Then blow him.
F: I'm not like that!
M: I'm just saying that maybe you need a little action in your life.
F: Dribble about some friend of her's.....
M: Ah ha. I still vote on you fellating this fine specimen of man.


Something is wrong with me when I start saying fellating. Or fellatio. Or anything along those lines.


But just so y'all know, I have kept to my Lent promise of no boys (specific ones I mean, I can't shun the entire male species) and no booze (that is definitely all inclusive). I've only got, what? 33 days left? Wish me luck.

And in other news, I've been bombing my French tests, getting secret tattoos/piercings, reading nonstop because I am the biggest nerd you will ever meet, borrowing money from my parents because I am financially irresponsible, applying to colleges (mostly private ones, with tuition costs of $30K a year), noticing how many words I use that have double letters i.e. leTTers, wasting all of my time on Twitter.com (@beverlyhillls), washing endless loads of laundry, and generally freaking out about what is going to happen at the end of the month when my brother et al arrive.

you're such a schmuck

but it's tuesday which means max has to go to the reading tutor.

reading tutor = 45 min "nap" and if you need to know why nap is in quotations, text me.

if you text me after 6pm i'll be receiving it on my new blackberry and for that, I AM STOKED.

just so you know

every time I finish one of these math problems about the quadratic formula, completing the square, blah blah blah, a little part of my soul is being taken away.

Honestly, when am I ever going to need to know how to do these sorts of equations? Maybe when I am balancing my checkbook? Nope that is just simple addition and subtraction. Maybe when I am wanting to buy a new pair of jeans that were marked down 15%? Nope, that's multiplication and subtraction. Maybe when I... oh wait, I don't have any more example because THERE IS NO NEED FOR THIS TYPE OF MATH IN SOCIETY! And good crap, it is crazy difficult and I am sick of it. I don't need it. I'm an English major for goodness sakes.

Haha, Austin just passed me in the library and he made the little Skadoosh motion. That kind of put the kibbash on my rant about this math assignment.

Whoo hoo Steelers!

Yeah! They totally owned the Superbowl! So what if Harrison had a dirty play, Kurt Warner could throw for crap tonight. Larry Fitzgerald though, man he was amazing! I know he's a Card, but you've got to give credit to this guy. He really did play a great game. Pam and I went over to Aynsley's house for his Superbowl party. It was pretty cool, a little awkward when Pam and I realized we were the only two girls invited, therefore the only ones coming, but you know, I am so used to being with all boys because of Trevor it wasn't really a big deal to me.
Since I don't really know anything about the Cardinals, I chose to root for the Steelers. I was the only one at the party cheering Roethlisberger on. That got a little interesting- I'm not a good trash talker, so I didn't really engage in that, but I did freak out when they scored that final touchdown! I was super excited.
The one thing that really pissed me off though were the fat jokes about Roethlisberger. Um, hello? Pam and I are fat too. I know they weren't directing them at us, but I couldn't help but wonder if that's what they say about us when we're gone. I did however, refrain from saying anything. That shows personal growth right? It's mostly because I would have dropped a few f-bombs and I didn't think that was very appropriate to do in a room full of church friends.

mmkay

so I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I may be sick. Yes, I may have gone through an entire box of Kleenex. Yes, I may becoming addicted to my Vicks Sinex Nasal Spray. However, I will never get better if I stay in my germ infected room for the next 48 hours.

Since I've been laying in bed for the past 6 hours, I've gone through two movies- Without a Paddle and Coach Carter, about 14 blogs, about an hour reading the New York Times, and as previously stated, an entire box of Kleenex. So here's what I have learned:
1. Hairy legs are gross. Thanks for reminding me of that Without a Paddle.
2. People are crazy about basketball. And not in a good way either. Why would a school board vote to end a basketball lockout, even though half of the athletes are failing? Shouldn't they be siding with the coach? Pssh, people are dumb.
3. I could never play on a basketball team. Not because of my lack of skill, physical fitness, or HOPS (as my middle schoolers like to say), but it's really super stressful. For example, whenever the team was down I started freaking out, "Are they gonna make the shot? What if they lose?!?" Even though it is JUST A MOVIE and I've seen it a million times therefore I know what the outcome is, I still start stressing.
4. My ZEKE is here! I'll finish this list later!

i'm dying.

I have post nasal drip and I feel like death. I can't breathe, I can't sleep and my life is basically sucking big time right now. You want to know how I'm going to spend my Saturday? Alternately laying in bed feeling sorry for myself and cleaning my room because it's a straight up Paula Abdul disaster. Wow, I have the best life ever.

it's been an eventful 2009

with two Chrysalis', one heartbreak, 16 credits, and 360487324603270 hours worked so far. I just wanted to check in, let y'all know I'm not dead or anything. Although, everyday when I go to work I wonder how many people had to commit suicide via the Freemont Bridge before they put up those suicide hotline signs...

So it's super late and I have a test tomorrow morning- I'm going to bed. BUT, I'll totally update you all on my life tomorrow (after my test of course).

I MESSED UP.

big time. The reason this guy won't text me back? Because I have been texting the WRONG NUMBER for the past two weeks. And why didn't the owner of this wrong number correct me? Because it is out of service. Which is a good thing because then they would not be all freaked out by some of the messages I sent.

Now I have to go tell him that it is all my fault and hope that it is not too late, even though I'm afraid my grace period is definitely up.

I just wish I would have:
1. Realized it earlier.
2. Not jumped to conclusions.
3. Not gotten drunk and proceeded to express those conclusions with him.
4. Not been such a douchebox.

Really. It is my fault and I'm going to have to take the fall. The question is, how far will I drop?

i hate

when people do not text me back. If you ever want to piss me off, just don't text me back. Seriously, I will begin to hate you. So this was my first week back to school. It went okay, I generally like my classes and have at least one friend in each class. Plus I get out early 3 out of the 5 days so that's nice.

Last night I went over to Lo's house and definitely got trashed, because to be honest, aside from school and work, my life sucked. I constantly feel like I'm out of money, bitch is apparently my default setting, and I am semi-fighting with this guy. Wanna know why we're fighting? Because he didn't text me back. Honestly.

It really is all of my fault though because I don't know what I want from him and I always assume the worst. I am so melodramatic sometimes.

It's been awhile

But it's not like anyone reads this anyway. In the past few months I finished up Fall quarter at Clark, nearly committed suicide over a family holiday, upped the ante on my "BAD GIRL" status, and learned how to play Halo. Yeah, exciting huh?

School starts on Monday and I feel horribly unprepared. I had a lot of goals for this break and I don't think I achieved a single one. I'm going to go start my Ideals talk, which was due last Saturday, by the way. Maybe if I finish that I can mark something off of my list.