at the calling tonight

Steve was talking about when we're stuck in our relationship with God. It got me thinking that a few weeks ago, I was stuck. I feel like I still am. I get so caught up in the littlest things- like the stupid comment about my tattoo. "You know having a tattoo is a sin, right?" See? I'm still pissed about it, I just won't let it go. I think because it came from someone I thought was my friend, someone who I thought was trying to love others how God loves us, and she was just so snarky about it- I can't drop it. But I'm going to try. I'm not any better than her if I can't forgive her.

I was so excited about building my relationship with God and I just feel like I don't care anymore. I don't really feel like I fit in at my college group, I feel socially unaccepted. Part of it is because I outcast myself. I only speak with my friends, I don't reach out to others. I guess I can't complain because I'm the one hurting myself.

I think the other thing is that I'm not like the other people. Maybe it means I'm not really a Christian. But like, I believe that God sent His son who died on the cross for our sins. So I'm a Christian right? I don't think so. I'm a believer, but I don't live the life of a Christian. I drink, I swear, I judge others, I absolutely love things that are completely offensive, i.e. Superbad, Dane Cook, etc.

Speaking of being un Christian like, I am such a jerk. My mom just came in here and all she asked for was to go into my bathroom and take off her nail polish. I totally just reamed her. I didn't mean to, but why in God's green earth does she have to come into my room thirteen different times in 10 minutes, why doesn't she have her own nail polish remover (a question I asked her and she said, "I don't have the cotton balls". 1. Demetri Martin would never want the nickname of Cotton Balls. 2. I bought those at Target last week. 3. She is 47 years old! Why doesn't she have her own cotton balls / nail polish remover? That is all.)? Basically it comes down to me having no patience, to being tired, to yelling at her because she's my mom and she has to love me, and to being a bitch. Sorry, but there isn't another word for the way I just acted towards my mother.

I think that is all I can ramble on about now. I'll definitely have more tomorrow because Lindsey and Tal are supposed to come over and watch movies and play SingStar. Run on sentence much? I've decided that Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody is one of the best karaoke songs ever. Okay. Now I'm done.