vmas

i'm watching them right now, so that way i can fast forward through russell brand's dribble about the jonas brothers virginal status.

so a few things:
1. russell brand. no more hosting gigs for you. you were funny about one whole time during the whole two hours.
2. miley cyrus. stop talking. seriously, you say one thing then totally do another. i'm so ready for you stop "just being miley."
3. jonas brothers. i'm with katy perry on this one. their future wives are going to be the luckiest women in the world because those boys are hot.
4. lil wayne. seriously, i love you just as much as the next christian white girl but what was with your outfit? i get you paid a lot of money for those tattoos and you want to show them off. so i get the whole no shirt thing. but can i suggest a belt? seriously, i do not care about your polo ralph lauren boxer briefs. next time just take the leap and do the whole naked thing. also what is with the whole grabbing your crotch thing whenever you move. honestly i'm suprised you didn't just whip it out and start singing the mario bros theme song. (dane cook reference)
5. paramore. haley what was with your own dj diddles performance? (another dc reference) you did totally rock your song though. also i love the fact that you love shia laboeuf. because when he isn't getting smashed and driving around in his truck he's pretty hot too.
6. rihanna. you killed it. that is all.
7. p!nk. you are my idol. if i could be 1/1239487308463510083708915687543981283765 as badass as you, my life would pretty much rock.
8. mclovin. amazing.
9. slipknot. your masks scare me.
10. jordin sparks. kudos on your promise ring. i'm glad you're not a slut.
11. aubrey o'day. you should wear a promise ring.
12. christina aguilera. loved it. but um, superbitch? there wasn't another song title available?
13. britney spears. ditto on your comeback. all 3 moonman? you rock.
14. tokio hotel? who are you? seriously? bueller? bueller?
15. ll cool j. mama said knock you out!
16. paris hilton. no. go away please. thanks.
17. kid rock. i hate to admit this, but i love your new country song. oh and thanks for washing your hair. you didn't look as dirty as usual.
18. the ting tings. where did you come from? just because they play you on the hills all of a sudden makes you worthy of a vma? i'm going with no.
19. katy perry. i like you. i don't care if you kiss girls or not. you're funny.
20. kanye west. thanks for not whining about not winning this year. wait? were you even nominated? ha. i guess not. i liked the ninjas though. nice choice.